i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
