His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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