you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
