Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
