So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
