saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize