I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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