Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
