I think I am morally bankrupt
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
