I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
