I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
