I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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