Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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