So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
