Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
