Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
