I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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