hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
