Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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