Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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