Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
