I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just pee around me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
