I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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