Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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