i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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