Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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