All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
