I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize