I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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