Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
