I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize