I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize