This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
As shirtless as possible
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
