Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
