i don't like sucking hair
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
