I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
