she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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