You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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