he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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