totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
