R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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