Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just pee around me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
