are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
