im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
