I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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