Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
