question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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