i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
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Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
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Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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