Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
