Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
