What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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