i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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