I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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