But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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