I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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