remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
