peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
