it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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