Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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