girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
