So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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