I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
