i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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