How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize