I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
is it fun? or sober?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
