My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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