Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
