bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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