dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
